WINNIPEG – Sources have confirmed that despite numerous reminders, texts, and assurances that she would be on time, local late friend Farra Vawn is, once again, late.
“It’s no big deal, we knew she was going to be late,” said Vawn’s friend Brena Mcklin, as she and five other friends ordered their second round of drinks while they waited for her arrival.
“For a while we started telling her things started half an hour before they began, but we ran into trouble when we told her the New Years ball drop happened at 11:30 PM and she got wise.”
Vawn, 33, has frequently over the last fifteen years told friends, colleagues, dates, in-laws, ushers, dental receptionists, cab drivers, therapists, bachelorette parties, hairstylists, family members, UPS store clerks, airline security personnel, and most other human beings to whom she had made a commitment to arrive at a predetermined time, that this was the “LAST TIME” she would “EVER” be late.
Reached for comment while standing at a transit stop and refreshing NextBus, Vawn acknowledged that she was indeed a late friend, but explained that her behavior stemmed from reasonable fears.
“What if I leave early and then I arrive like ten minutes before the other person gets there? Can you imagine how frustrating that would be? To just be standing there wasting time just waiting for someone? I can’t do that to myself.”
While Vawn’s friends initially found their late friend’s lateness irritating, they have learned to see the upside of having her in their lives.
“We can order a whole tray of appetisers and finish it before she gets here, so more potato skins to go round, right?” said Mcklin with a hollow laugh.
“Plus we can practice telling all the funny stories we have about our week, so when we inevitably have to repeat them when Farra gets here, they’re even funnier the second time,” chimed in Pete Bakl, another of Vawn’s friends.
While Vawn has taken some of the responsibility for being the late friend on herself, experts were forced to acknowledge that other, unavoidable factors come into play.
“In a busy urban landscape, there can be unanticipated delays,” city planner Jan Morlin told reporters. “For example, an uber pool might stop to pick up other people. There could be red lights when you’re hoping for green lights. The subway could stop to change drivers, or you could just be more tired than you thought you were and not walk as fast.”
At press time, Vawn, who was 30 minutes away from the restaurant, texted that she would be there in two.
