TORONTO – Caving to political pressure, Premier Doug Ford and his provincial government announced they will be launching paid sick days, but only for residents who live carefully selected postal codes where major Ontario PC donors live.
House Leader Paul Calandra said these benefits will go directly to needy property developers and third party political advertisers.
“We need sick Ontarians who live in suburban swing ridings to stay at home,” said a triumphant Calandra. “We need to keep them alive to secure a majority in 2022.”
The provincial government confirmed that this decision was based on the most up-to-date Machiavellian science money could buy.
Meanwhile, hundreds of political staffers have been redeployed to help a quarantining Doug Ford join a Zoom meeting.
