TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has taken several steps to fight the province’s wetlands and watersheds so one day these unprofitable lands return to its natural suburban habitat.
“Somebody paved over this low density residential neighbourhood with marshes and basins,” said Premier Ford. “Big Nature ruined everything without any consideration for the taxpayers who used to live here.”
Lamenting that SUVs and mammoth-sized pickup trucks once roamed freely during ancient times, Ford said he would do whatever it takes to ensure a return of healthy, overpriced houses that look exactly the same.
“Threatened species, like real estate developers, will be given the space and protection from encroaching frogs, water lilies, and local conservation authorities,” explained Ford.
The moan of the majestic lawn mowers may have been silenced by the menacing songs of birds, but the Ontario PC government is confident they can restore the winding asphalt roads and real-estate office within a year.
“It’s stupid, you can’t even fish here,” complained Environment Minister Rod Phillips while seeing how far he could kick a turtle.
