OTTAWA – Canadian physiologists are watching in amazement as Prime Minister Harper‘s chin increasingly envelops his neck as the Liberal Convention begins in Montreal.
“We’ve read about it before in text books and have theorized exhaustively on the condition,” relayed the excited Dr. Douglas Tweed, professor of theoretical physiology at University of Toronto. “But never has such a palpable case of Nixonian-Jowls-Atosis been recorded.”
Dr. Tweed was the first to notice and diagnose the Prime Minister’s condition.
“Essentially Prime Minister Harper’s body is reacting to being in a prolonged state of cognitive mirroring of former President Nixon,” Tweed explained. “He therefore has been obsessively concerned with secrecy, engrossed in thoughts of destroying rivals, and eating extensive amounts of meatloaf, dried figs and cottage cheese.”
Tweed warns that if the cognitive mirroring of Nixon does not stop soon we may see symptoms worsen.
“I’d say if he doesn’t ease off the dried figs and thoughts of nemesis destruction we’ll be looking at an entirely new leader,” warns Tweed. “We should expect ill advised hand over head peace sign posturing, sinking eyes, and a chronic desire to explain that he is not a crook even when unprovoked.”
At press time, the PM was canceling his subscription to the Washington Post and stalking underground parking lots for Deep Throat.
