Name: University of Saskatchewan
Nickname: “Ol’ Flat and Sassy”
Motto: “No pain, no grain.”
History:
University of Saskatchewan was founded in 1907, with the intention that there would be at least one thing that existed in Saskatchewan. Most citizens agree that the University has succeeded in this regard. The state-of-the-art Saskatchewan Accelerator Laboratory was founded in 1962, as a part of John Diefenbaker’s secret plot to weaponize wheat for use against the Soviets. The project was an unmitigated disaster, and the wheat that came out of it was. . . changed. How long before the entire country bows in servitude before the Cunning Wheat? How long? Although the University of Saskatchewan athletics team has been called ‘the Huskies’ since 1911, this name originally referred to the physical build of its grain-fed athletes.
Pros:
– School will never feel like an uphill battle.
– Get your degree in subjects as diverse as Agriculture, Agribusiness, and Agronomy.
– Residual radiation from the particle acceleration laboratory means that you won’t have to worry about any pesky fertility or sex drive for the rest of your life.
– Grain will occasionally whisper the truth.
Cons:
– Academic life bears a startling resemblance to seasons 4 and 6 of Corner Gas.
– Air on campus is 2% gluten.
– Despite its name, students at the Western College of Veterinary Medicine will never get to cut up even one veterinarian.
– Grain will occasionally whisper lies.
Did you know…
…That while USask has low-ranked bobsled and downhill ski teams, its luge team is a monster on the international circuit?
…That potash is edible?
…You can see the CN tower from campus?
…93% of the province’s water can be found in the athletic centre pool?
…That you can blow your own mind by smoking grass out of a bowl in The Bowl, which is full of grass?
Famous Alumni:
John G. Diefenbaker, Aviation genius
Lorna Crozier, Poet behind such works as Apocryphal Bliss, How the Sky Hates Her Bones, and David Cronenberg’s Oozetumour: 2058, The Poem of the Movie
Romeo Dallaire, voted “Best” by Haunted Eyes Magazine
Alison Redford, premier of Alberta. . . or so the Wheat would have you believe.
