PARIS – The gold medals won this week by Canada’s Ethan Katzberg and Camryn Rogers in the men’s and women’s hammer throw at the 2024 Olympics have been a welcome and unexpected payoff of the longstanding Canadian tradition of giving children hammers at birth.
In a ceremony largely unknown to the outside world, families from coast to coast to coast engage in the custom of placing a shiny metal hammer in the crib next to their sleeping child on their first night at home. Though all Canadians do this, the origin of this tradition is shrouded in confusion and myth.
“Some say it began in 1867, the year of confederation, to represent the forging of the railroad that united this vast land,” said historian Murray Klempert. “Others believe the hammer gift was inaugurated by Scandinavian settlers in tribute to the god of thunder, Thor. And many say it started in 1952 with the famous Eaton’s ad campaign ‘Give that baby a hammer!’, after the department store accidentally ordered hundreds of thousands of hammers instead of baby rattles from one of its suppliers.”
“Either way, those gold medals are a wicked bonus!” added Klempert. “They certainly make up for all the hammer injuries Canadian parents receive during the terrible twos.”
While the origins of the tradition remains unclear, the result has been Canadian children learning to toss hammers as soon as they’re physically able, much to the chagrin of parents and the delight of window repair companies across the country.
“I don’t know who thought it would be a good idea to give small children hammers and encourage them to throw them,” said glazier Anton Dubelski, “but I sure am grateful for all the emergency calls. I swear about twenty years ago I went to the house of that moustache guy’s parents to fix a bay window – the hammer was across the street!”
Meanwhile, the equally common Canadian tradition of giving infants 100kg weights to play with has yet to result in Olympic glory.
