OTTAWA – This week NDP leader Jagmeet Singh called a press conference to announce that he is also a political leader that exists, and presumably has done so for a while.
“During this time of inflation and unaffordability, the NDP has a bold message for Canadians – we also do stuff,” Singh proclaimed to the assembled reporters.
“While other leaders are announcing home building incentives, or delivering speeches about alternative economic policy, rest assured that the New Democratic Party is also in the room, listening intently to those guys’ ideas,” the 3rd place party leader insisted.
“Sometimes, we even nod in response to those ideas,” Singh added, “whether it’s a nod of mild approval or even milder disapproval!”
Despite having been leader of the NDP for the past 6 years, insiders report that Singh felt it was important to remind Canadians that he was a guy who could probably handle some things, and that this might even mean he was a viable option for them to vote for someday in the future.
One NDP strategist added on deep background, “The one thing we can firmly assure Canadians of, is that Jagmeet Singh doesn’t NOT exist.”
The press conference then unveiled a PowerPoint outlining how the NDP is an entire full-fledged political party “with actual policies and everything”, covering climate change, housing, and even agriculture. The presentation also made it clear in no uncertain terms that Jagmeet Singh is an actual factual tangible guy who is around.
Reporters then asked if the NDP would follow up on this news that Singh is a human man, perhaps by turning it into actual tangible accomplishments and policy results. In response, Signh pointed back at the PowerPoint.
Across the country, everyday Canadians responded to the breaking announcement that Jagmeet Singh’s whereabouts are accounted for, and that he has been a sitting member of Parliament for over half a decade.
Arnold Brandon of Calgary responded, “It’s comforting to know that Singh has been in office all this time, working on my behalf. Now who or what is this ‘NDP’ that you mentioned?”
“Wait, you mean he isn’t the guy who hosts The National on CBC,” asked Janet McAffreies of Burnaby, BC.
“Between Trudeau that wants to let Canada fall apart, and Poilievre who wants to actively dismantle it, I could definitely consider voting for a third guy who just kinda…coasts,” answered Leonard Chin of Halifax.
At press time, Singh was reminding the group of confused reporters who he was, as they had already forgotten.
