EDMONTON – After apologizing to First Nations, Ukrainian-Canadians and the vaccinated, Danielle Smith today issued a new apology to anyone who was hurt by the comments she is about to make.
“If the comments I am about to say in mere moments were misconstrued or hurt your feelings, then I absolutely apologize,” said Smith at the hastily assembled apology/announcement press conference.
“I did not mean the words that I am still planning on saying unaltered as soon as this apology is done to cause offence,” she added.
Despite promising to be an unapologetic conservative in the mold of Trump or DeSantis, Smith has actually spent most of her time in office issuing apologies, from offhand remarks about the suffering endured by the unvaxxed, to “inadvertent” attempts to use the Sovereignty Act to give her dictator like powers over all of Alberta. So much so that her staff has now decided to just do the apology first in order to get it over with.
“It’s fun to mix things up. Like eating ice cream before your dinner,” said one insider who wished to remain anonymous.
Smith continued her apology by promising to work with advocacy groups representing the ethnic, religious and sexual orientation of the people she is about to slander, as well as reflect on why she will soon say these things, and what she could do different the next time.
At press time Smith had finally said the thing she was apologizing for, and holy shit the Mennonites are gonna be pissed.