WINNIPEG – Local accounts analyst Portia Kim wowed guests at her dinner party last night when she announced the pumpkin ginger bisque would be accompanied by olive oil and balsamic body shots.
“I couldn’t find my appetizer plates, and my boyfriend Craig has the perfect belly button to suspend the balsamic in the olive oil. It was a total no brainer!” said Kim, who had sprinkled gourmet Himalayan pink salt on her partner Craig Feldstein’s stomach before licking it off, slurping up the oil and vinegar, and then eating a crostini out of his mouth.
Alexis Brar, a close friend and coworker of Kim’s, described the presentation as “brilliant”. “I loved dipping my sourdough in Craig’s navel to soak up the flavours of the olive oil. Sooo earthy!” she said. “I’m definitely stealing the idea for my next gathering — maybe with a dessert twist? I haven’t worked out yet how to get panna cotta to set properly in the valley between my girlfriend’s breasts, but once I do, I’m coming for Portia’s dinner party crown.”
After courses of suck-and-blow teriyaki salmon and beer bong banana pudding, Kim’s guests were hungry for entertainment. “I love dinner party games,” said Trevor Hassan, a hockey buddy of Feldstein’s. “We played charades, and Pictionary — and who doesn’t enjoy a good round of wine glass flip cup?”
A Snapchat video from a spirited game of meatball au jus pong shows Hassann accidentally knocking over a candle and starting a minor blaze on the tablecloth. Despite being the closest one to assist, Brar was unable to put out the fire as she was playing Edward 40 Hands with a 1990 Château Montrose Bordeaux and one of those decorative bottles of preserved peppers.
After the success of last night’s dinner party, Kim is hard at work planning her next one, having already been spotted Googling “How to make beef wellington butt chug-able”.