ONTARIO – Doug Ford’s government has finally brought to an end the province’s vaccine mandates for restaurants, allowing everyone to once again enjoy dining at the province’s many wonderful restaurants, as long as they aren’t immunocompromised or a family with children too young to be vaccinated.
“We put the vaccine passport system in place to protect everyone. But a tiny percentage of the population who willingly chose next to get life-saving medicine during a pandemic was angry about that,” said Ford at a press conference. “So now we’re going to let them back in, thereby making it unsafe for people with health conditions that make COVID deadly even if vaccinated and people too young to get vaccinated.”
“I want to thank all Ontarians who came together and sacrificed during this pandemic so we can completely give in to the pissbabies who refused to help out in any way.”
Ford was quick to point out that restaurants can choose to maintain the passport system, as long as they are ok with their staff being screamed at by anti-vaxxers and a deluge of hate sent to their social media accounts.
“I would love to support local restaurants, but now that I can’t be sure everyone around me is vaccinated I’ll probably stay home to protect my toddler. But you know, as long as a guy who held Ottawa hostage for several weeks can eat indoors instead of having to suffer the indignity of takeout, then I guess it’s all worth it,” said Burlington resident Ashley Wittings.
Ontario has also dropped the vaccine requirement for gyms, so people who don’t care about the health of others can now return to improving their own.