As hundreds of millions of trucks and billions of Canadian truckers prepare to arrive in Ottawa to not commit any violent actions or share racist hate speech, many Canadians remain confused about what exactly these individuals want. So we at the Beaverton have done our research and put together a list of all the very reasonable demands the Freedom Convoy has made. Here they are:
-End the requirement that truckers returning from the U.S. have to quarantine for 14 days if they’re not vaccinated
-Somehow convince the U.S. and Mexico to allow unvaccinated Canadian truckers to cross their border
-Dissolve the government and install Steve as the new President/King/Benevolent Trucker Dictator. Don’t worry about Steve. He’s a great guy. You’re gonna love him
-The immediate arrest for treason of Trudeau, Freeland and any other Liberal Cabinet Minister the group can name without googling
-Creation of a second amendment in Canada’s Constitution to give them the right to bear arms they’ve always claimed they have
-The fire bombing of Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and any other city full of people who “think they’re better than us”
-The CBC will not be defunded, but Ezra Levant is now in charge of all programming. Look forward to a new season of Murdoch Mysteries where the answer to every mystery is “muslims did it”
-Journalists are not allowed to interview the 90%+ of truckers who are vaccinated and don’t support this convoy
-New Air Freshener Scents will be released immediately
So there you have it! Sounds pretty doable to us.
