SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Jayne Hinton, 32, is slowly discovering what her body can’t handle nowadays, ranging from a glass of wine to a heavy meal before bed. Most recently, Hinton discovered she gets hangovers from eating too much soup now.
“I noticed the other night,” Hinton explained, popping two Advils and putting a cold compress to her forehead. “I had a simple chicken noodle. It went down nice and easy. Even tossed a couple saltines in there. I thought, ‘Hey, what harm’s a second bowl gonna do?’ And when I woke up the next day, I had a massive headache and a cold sweat.”
Hinton also mentioned that when she was younger, she could eat bowls of soup without feeling any negative effects. Nowadays, even walking by a RaviSoups makes her gag. “In university, I could toss back chowders all night long and feel invincible, now I have to spend the next day on the couch watching Friends reruns.”
As many adults enter their 30s, they notice an inability to handle various liquids. Dr. Bethanie Leech of the Sault Area Hospital weighed in with, “The body has trouble digesting certain foods and beverages with age and works overtime to just get it down. In the 21st century, humans do live much longer, but we still have the digestive system of a 14th century peasant.”
Added Dr. Leech, “Cool it on the soups and spices and just have some bread for a bit, especially you white folk.”
Hinton continued about her hangover, saying various soups provide different kinds of hangovers, “See, a cream of mushroom has dairy, so that’s more of a ‘in the bathroom coming out of both ends hangover’, whereas a tom yum would be a ‘my esophagus is burning so hard that I’m puking straight acid hangover’. And pho… that’s a ‘I made horrible sexual decisions last night and now I’m going to spend the whole next day in shame’ kind of hangover.”
Dr. Leech says the best cure for a soup hangover is plenty of water, rest, and having a damn salad once in a while.
At press time, Hinton was seen meal-prepping a big lentil soup for the week because it’s just too convenient and a nice warm soup is the only thing that makes her feel loved right now.