A CANADIAN SUBURB – Multiple sources are reporting that John Jackson, a local father of three, is going to spend the day performing an activity associated with his status as a dad.
“I can’t wait to begin a woodworking project, address a household plumbing issue, or read a large book about the Battle of Britain,” Jackson said. “Thank goodness I have a basement, shed, or similar space in the family home where I can focus on my responsibilities and hobbies.”
Jackson, who’s wearing old jeans, a flannel shirt, and practical but humorously out of touch footwear, is preparing for his dad activity by getting popcorn, chips, or beef jerky from the kitchen. “Boy is the temperature notable in here,” he told his family. “Can you believe it’s the month that it is right now? At least we needed this rain or sun.”
“Well, I’m ready to rock and roll,” he announced. “Don’t touch the various items the household associates with me, such as the thermostat, while I’m in or out there listening to music I associate with my youth, thereby making it superior to the racket you kids listen to.”
“I tell ya, I could go for a long weekend so I could really dig into this particular enterprise,” he added wistfully. While dreading a return to the ol’ nine to five, Jackson consoled himself with the knowledge that the Monday commute would allow him to check if gas prices had changed.
“And remember, tomorrow we have to perform yard work that’s relevant to the time of year,” Jackson reminded his family. “We’re getting up nice and early, because in the afternoon I want to go shopping for unusually flavoured barbecue sauces, moderately priced domestic whiskey, or largely unnecessary shaving paraphernalia.”
At press time, Jackson had finished with his dad thing and was thinking about being a patriotic citizen by eating a big plate of poutine while wearing a toque and getting emotionally invested in a hockey game.