Report: Canada just one big American shell corporation - The Beaverton

Report: Canada just one big American shell corporation

PARIS, FR – After decades of research and investigation forensic accountants have determined that Canada, originally named 33256 Ltd, has been operating as a shell corporation for the congregation of corporations known as the United States of America.

The FATF (Financial Action Task Force) recently uncovered that Canada has been slowly but steadily funnelling money to America over the years, under the guise of outsourcing manufacturing and services to American owned corporations. Research indicates the only thing still made and owned by Canada is the passive sense of superiority.

Earliest evidence of this relationship can be traced back to the early 1800’s, when what was believed to be a British attack on the American capital turned out to be an elaborate insurance scam.

“Hiding assets and territory as another country helps the US appear weaker in the eyes of other global powers like Russia and China,” the FATF report points out. “It also helps America keep any top-secret projects they’re currently working on under wraps until they’re ready to implement them south of the border. Poutine being the most famous of the experiments, though America opted to go for Corn Syrup as their main form of population control.”

Canada’s relationship with its parent corporation isn’t only financial. Canada also helps to amplify American values across the region. Although on the surface they appear to disagree with many American policies and cultures, both countries actively operate in the same manner.

“Any differences there are to prevent suspicion,” added one FATF investigator, “like free Healthcare, surface level socialism and the French.

“Originally the plan was to make Canada purely a tax haven for American assets” the report mentions “But after its acquisition from the British it was ruled out as Canada wasn’t deemed ‘tropical enough.’”

Initially causing global outrage, the findings were lost after they were placed somewhere on a shelf next to the Panama Papers.