WINNIPEG – With Brian Pallister announcing he will not seek re-election as Premier, another victim has fallen to the might of the Maclean’s Resistance Cover curse.
“I knew when Andrew went down that the rest of us were in trouble,” said a panicked Jason Kenney. “But now Brian! Shit. Who is it going to come for next?”
“It’s like that old bear in the woods joke. I don’t need to outrun the curse. I just need to outrun Doug Ford.”
The Maclean’s cover featured Kenney, Ford, Pallister, Scheer and Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe staring seductively at the camera while the magazine proclaimed them as Justin Trudea’s worst nightmare. But ever since that day, the participants have felt a creeping, ominous force following them around as they attempt to live their lives/stop action on climate change.
“It’s like Death in Final Destination. Only instead of a series of random, seemingly incidental events causing me to get set on fire and die, it’s my government’s inability to do anything remotely competent causing my political death. It’s not fair,” said Ford.
Political oddsmakers are already taking bets on who the curse will come for next. Ford and Kenney are the heavy favourites. Moe is seen as a longshot given the fact that the curse, like everyone in Canada, has probably forgotten he exists.