Opinion: How do we know for certain that the yellow snow isn’t lemonade? - The Beaverton

Opinion: How do we know for certain that the yellow snow isn’t lemonade?

BY CAMERON BUCKET

Hear me out: I was strolling through the park, on one of my daily walks, when I passed a bank covered in yellow stains. Common sense told me not to eat the yellow snow. But then I thought, why not? Most of the time you’re not there to see the source and sure the logical explanation is that it’s a dog but what if it’s not? What if a larger-than-life Willy Wonka type is biking about town, sprinkling lemonade on the snow? It could be and you’re in luck because there is no government funded study that conclusively 100% says that the yellow snow isn’t lemonade.

Let’s start with the facts: Yahoo Answers says to avoid the yellow snow. Personally, as a society, I think we’re too quick to label yellow snow as “bad”. Imagine you’re in Quebec during Carnaval and you come across a brown stain in the snow. You’re telling me that you wouldn’t even humour the idea that it’s because of that frozen maple syrup on a stick thing? As Canadians, we need to be more open-minded.

I know what you’re thinking: “there is no way that super, pale yellow spot next to the fire hydrant is lemonade.” Well then, perhaps you’re right and that it’s not lemonade but a spilt limoncello sorbet from a rad Italian exchange student chillin’ on the hydrant watching TikToks. So, before you continue this ridiculous line of questioning and further project your yellow snow prejudices, let me hit you with some hard truths – if it’s a darker yellow, it could have been cut with mango and if it has a little bit of red in it, hello, ever heard of pink lemonade?

All I’m saying is don’t knock it, until you try it. And for all those sheeple out there who are boycotting yellow snow because “Big Pharma” told you to stay away, all I have to say is do you think Chris Hadfield was like “the great unknown of space is too big and scary…so for those reasons I’m out lol”. No! Or when Dr. James Naismith on December 21, 1891 randomly threw that ball in the air and accidentally invented basketball, do you think he was like “wow, I regret taking that chance lol”. Amazing discoveries are made by Canadians who face their fears! Be bold! Be fearless!

Report back. And if the first time you try yellow snow it’s not lemonade, persevere! It doesn’t mean it won’t be the second, third, or seventh time!

In the meantime, let’s reexamine the high possibility that the brown floating log in the pool is actually an Oh Henry bar.