TORONTO – Facing criticism by Ontarians who don’t understand their new lockdown rules, the Ford government has sought to simplify matters by explaining everything through a simple riddle.
“Frankly I don’t see what was confusing about telling Ontarians not to leave their house except for essential purposes while leaving non-essential businesses open for curbside pickups,” said a frustrated Ford. “But everyone made a big old stink about it so now all you will have to do is answer me and [Health Minister] Christine Elliott these questions three and you’ll know exactly what is allowed.”
“But be warned, one of us speaks only truth and one of us speaks only lies,” he added.
The riddle reads:
There is a house
One enters it blind and comes out seeing
What is it, and why did we leave it open so long?
But while you ponder, consider yonder
what goes on four feet in the morning,
two feet at noon
three feet in the evening
and must never leave home
unless it wants to hang outside with up to 4 friends?
If you know that then answer me this
how is making condos an essential business?
Finally do pray tell
if a train leaves Toronto travelling 60 km/h
and another leaves Montreal going 50 km/h
how long until the new, more contagious strain of COVID infects everyone?
“I think that just about clears things up,” said Ford after reading the riddle to the press in a delighted, sing-song voice.
Asked about vaccine distribution the government has said their plan has already been released using an enigma code, and the first to crack it will be vaccinated.
