As pandemic deaths skyrocket in Whoville, The Grinch is dubbed self-isolation hero - The Beaverton

As pandemic deaths skyrocket in Whoville, The Grinch is dubbed self-isolation hero

WHOVILLE – Last Tuesday, many who have spoken out on quarantining during the -19 pandemic have taken to Twitter to praise for his preparedness amid the news that Whovillians have reached 30 thousand deaths.

“He’s really the only one taking this seriously”, states Rosmund Ellis, a nurse sent to try to convince the Whos to stop gathering in large numbers, to no avail. “He won’t leave Mount Crumpet for anything, which is smart considering he has a pre-existing condition: coronary microvascular disease: his heart is two sizes too small.”

When reached for comment, Bertie Lou Whooper, current mayor of Whoville said, “Corona virus is just some phooey made up by libtards to reignite the war on Christmas.” When asked his thoughts on the warnings by the World Health Organization, Whooper replied, “You mean WHO? Listen, down here in this snowflake, we have our own WHO. A Who WHO. And they say the best cure to any disease is holding hands with every single person in your town and singing.”

Said The Grinch, “I did everything right”, as he holds up some garbage and takes a big bite. “I even tried to take their Christmas away. I shot down their Amazon drones from my way. I shot down their trappings, their wrappings, their snoofs. But that cesspool, St. Nick, still perched on their roofs. What is this place? My own private hell? Cindy lou’s forever lost her sense of smell.”

Like many who’ve been quarantining during this pandemic, The Grinch’s schedule consists mostly of self-loathing and slipping into madness. “That’s exactly what I want to hear,” continued Ellis. “The Grinch knows all about letting loneliness consume you and it’s that, that will protect us all against COVID-19.”

At press time, The Grinch just sent us a bunch of pictures of his dog Max in little Santa outfits.