“I’ve covered big events before. 9/11, Air India, that time Stockwell Day rode a jet ski,” said the Sun’s Joe Warmington, deeply embedded among the few dozen anti-mask protestors standing outside the restaurant. “But nothing has merited such frantic scrutiny as this: a restaurant owner complaining that health regulations are hurting his business.”
“The whole world is on pins and needles wondering if residents will be able to get their hands on some too-dry ribs and the okayest brisket you’ve ever eaten.”
Since the owner made a social media post announcing his intention allow indoor dining in the hopes of drumming up publicity for a clearly unsafe and reckless act, the media has responded by providing near constant attention in the form of editorials, television coverage of his arrest and this satirical news article making fun of the media while simultaneously capitalizing off the same culture of clickbait that has motivated their actions.
“No one knows how this thing will end. But the important point is that we had something to talk about that isn’t Donald Trump for a little while,” said one journalist.
Some in the community said they didn’t agree with the owner’s choices but were disappointed by the police locking the doors even for takeout, as now there were only about 75 vastly superior BBQ restaurants in the GTA.
In related news the story of a restaurant owner who has been giving out free meals to people in need has received 6 likes and two shares on facebook.