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Chuck E. Cheese files for bankruptcy...

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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Canadian man tempted to support annexation just to watch Americans try to deal with Quebec

Trudeau orders end to Canada Post strike after learning Santa Claus not real

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Poilievre denies he’d be a Canadian Trump: “I’ll be more like a Canadian JD Vance”

Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick

CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle

Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus

Forest Hill by-election to show Canada what people without problems think

“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car

Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son

Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams

Toronto commuter unable to tell if Taylor Swift gridlock has started

Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Local man confident Syrian regime change either good news or bad news

ICC issuing arrest warrant for Netanyahu clear proof of court’s bias against genocidal maniacs

Canadians fail to notice difference as global IT outage disrupts airlines, banks, health care

Man angry about 15-minute cities wouldn’t last a day in Europe’s 15-minute countries

Time Magazine strains definition of “Person”

Puerto Ricans pissed Canada could become U.S. state before them

Trump encouraging NATO members to increase military spending by making the US a viable target

5 ways Democrats can win the next election, all of which involve throwing Trans people under the bus for some reason

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
Leafs confident they’ll keep winning as long as they get the best goaltending in the league every single night

Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams

Fans not falling for Oilers ‘maybe we suck’ bullshit this year

Ottawa sends yearly reminder to rest of NHL that it has a hockey team too
Business
- Business
Loblaws: “now we need to raise prices because of deflation or whatever”

Loblaws launches for profit food bank

WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Report: This children’s entertainer isn’t Australian

Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son

Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people

Weird! Woman’s comfort show doesn’t have any monsters or murder

Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car

Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream

Mystical ayahuasca experience concludes with survey for chance to win $25 Amazon gift card

Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy

Breaking: doctors starting to suspect that women’s bodies work differently than men’s

“Get well soon!” says woman who doesn’t understand how chronic illness works

Wizard? This woman timed her edible to the end of her workday

As COVID rates skyrocket, health officials warn Canadians to wear plenty of sunscreen

Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people

EDITORIAL: Why my cheque giveaway is great whereas Doug Ford’s cheque giveaway is desperate and terrible – by Justin Trudeau

Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically

Editorial: Five ways to use your huge bazongas as literal weapons in the Woke War, by the National Post

Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already

Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans

Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire

5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

Five people you hope are not on the Epstein list

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
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Chuck E. Cheese files for bankruptcy due to spiralling costs of disinfecting every ball in ball pit

July 21, 2020 by Roderick Scobie ( @roderickscobie )

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