EDMONTON — “I’ll remember where I put this receipt in case I need to use the warranty on my new phone,” lied local man Aaron Hayes to himself this morning.
“This was an expensive purchase, so I won’t forget,” Hayes explained, dishonestly, “If my phone breaks this receipt is essentially worth $300, which is why I put it in the top drawer of my desk. I mean, it’s in my wallet. Or the folder with my tax stuff. Yeah, it’s definitely there”.
Hayes reportedly refused an email receipt, citing a fear that he’d be added to the retailer’s email list: “I always forget to hit the unsubscribe button, and then I get a bunch of spam. It’s annoying how forgetfulness sometimes has consequences, isn’t it?”
Friends and family with knowledge of Hayes’ habits are concerned for his well-being. “He’s in denial,” said sister Alisa Hayes. “Every few months he ends up needlessly spending hundreds of dollars because he was so sure the receipt for his microwave or whatever was pinned to the corkboard when it’s just gone. I’m sick of his lies.”
While Hayes holds to the unfounded claim that he knows exactly where the receipt is, he was recently spotted shuffling through the box of papers that sits on top of the cabinet “just to be sure”.
At press time the receipt was safe and sound in the back pocket of the shorts that Hayes only wears in July.
