PORT HOPE, ON – After repeatedly being asked to pull over so that her driving companion could go pee, Hannah Weisman insisted on forgoing several rest stops in favour of the ‘good’ ONroute.
“You’re fucked if you don’t think the Port Hope ONroute provides a refuge from the harsh bustle of the 401,” Weisman retorted, accelerating into the left lane. “It houses a Tim Horton’s and a Starbucks, talk about choice.”
“They’re all the same amalgamation of fast food places,” her friend screamed while doubled over in pain. “Saying there’s a good ONroute is an oxymoron!”
Weisman became enamoured with the eerily similar Ontario rest areas along Highways 400 and 401 after stopping at each one, from Bainsville to Tilbury South, on a 8 hour mission to catalogue their monotony.
“Their redundancy makes them safe. It feels like that bar Cheers, from the TV show Cheers. Everyone at my ONroute knows me,” Weisman beamed. “They call me ‘that weird lady’ since I stop by twice a day.”
While most travellers use the HMSHost stops sparingly to fill up on gas or to grab some lukewarm fried chicken, Weisman can be spotted on any given day lounging on the patio next to the parking lot. “You can’t beat this kind of easy breezy calm,” she said while inhaling car fumes.
At press time, Weisman was seen shopping for groceries in the marketplace.
