OTTAWA – US tariffs on Canadian aluminum and steel have been promptly lifted after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has impressed US President Donald Trump with numerous human rights violations, eliminating any and all dissent, and testing a nuclear bomb.
The revised history of Canada claims that Supreme Leader Justin Trudeau had inherited the reign from his father in 2015, Supreme Leader Pierre Trudeau.
Reports from inside the large, secretive state indicate that some political opponents were ruthlessly executed with anti-aircraft guns, while Andrew Scheer, Jagmeet Singh, and Elizabeth May have been sentenced to 30 years hard labour in a Winnipeg gulag. Upon hearing the horrifying news, Trump immediately called Trudeau “a strong negotiator” on Twitter.
The once pleasant province of PEI has become a lifeless desert, obliterated by a 50 megaton blast from Canada’s new hydrogen bomb program which received widespread international condemnation especially from Japanese tourists who wanted to see the Anne of Green Gables attractions.
Trump dropped all of his trade complaints against Canada after Trudeau announced that Saskatchewan will be starved for the next 3-5 years so the Shining Canadian Leader can feed his expanding military and spend more on his private collection of Hennessy and designer cigarettes.
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, Canada’s only media source after every journalist was summarily executed without trial, made the announcement of the heroic trade accomplishment and a renewed relationship between the US and Canada.
“Another great victory for our Glorious Leader!” shouted a plaid-wearing CBC announcer. “Donald J. Trump has conceded defeat in trade negotiations and apologized for insulting our fierce and productive country! He will now accept all of the supply-managed dairy products the People’s Republic has to offer!”