VANCOUVER – In what has become a developing story, Dave Parson’s friends and family have slowly come to the realization that his self-described ironic moustache may, in fact, be completely sincere.
“It started about six years ago when he grew a handlebar ‘stache during the height of the hipster trend,” said Emily Pimms, one of Parson’s acquaintances. “But he paired it with suspenders and wool pants so it was easier then to believe that he was making some ironic comment.”
Parson’s friends report that their impression changed about a year ago when Dave started dressing in “regular” clothes, yet still elected to keep the facial hair. Despite ongoing disputes about whether or not Dave was still trying to make some sort of statement, all those who knew Dave agreed that he clearly actually liked the way it looked.
“About three months ago he said he was going to shave it and we thought that was the end,” reported Mike North, Dave’s neighbour, “but it turned out that he only trimmed the curly handlebar parts so now he’s just a guy with a standard moustache.”
Whereas prior photographs of Dave involved him clearly drawing attention to his moustache or using it as a funny prop, more recent photos are less conspicuous. Family members have become very concerned that it is now simply another part of his face that he’s going to keep.
“I’m still not sure I understand, What’s the point of a moustache if you’re not trying to call attention to the fact that no one wears moustaches anymore?” asked Lydia Fairchild, Dave’s college roommate.
While friends and family are hoping that the length of time Parson has kept the moustache means that it will soon loop back and become ironic again, there have been no signs of cultural change as yet. Critics of this belief point to previously ironic behaviours by Dave which have simply become normalized for him, like wearing bow ties or drinking PBR.
“No, no, it’s still totally a throwback to like old western bartenders or something,” Dave said in his defence, “or maybe it’s like a 1970’s thing? Either way I think it really frames my face, right?”
In related news, members of Dave’s friend group are entering a state of panic over how long Steve has had his man-bun.
