OTTAWA – Insisting once again that Canadian forces in northern Iraq are only there to ‘advise and assist’, the government announced today they would be sending over another 100,000 of them.
“Of course, these advisors will be armed for self-defence,” said Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan. “Just in case someone starts randomly shooting at them while they infiltrate a fortified compound to deliver some covert midnight advice.”
While 100,000 seems like a somewhat large number of military advisors, Sajjan says Iraqi and Kurdish forces are ‘really just a bunch of klutzes who need a lot of advising.’
“Once again, Canadian forces are not engaged in combat in northern Iraq,” said Sajjan, from northern Iraq, wiping blood from a saw-toothed bowie knife onto the leg of his trousers.
The Canadian forces are also going to send over tanks and attack helicopters, strictly in an advisory capacity, of course.
“These are some very wise pieces of equipment we’re talking about,” said General Jonathan Vance. “Those ‘copters can deliver over 1000 rounds of armour-piercing hints every minute.”
This is the nicest way Canada has embroiled itself in the middle east since they sold billions of dollars worth of armour-plated sage council to Saudi Arabia, for use in their heated discussion in Yemen.
