RICHMOND HILL, ON – Sources confirmed this evening that Vince Loberto, the 73-year-old chef and server of Loberto’s Family Pizza and Pasta, is still grating Parmesan cheese over local man Tom Kelly’s plate. Witnesses reported that the grating began at approximately 6:00 pm, and has continued without a break for nearly 3 hours.
“He hasn’t said when. He just refuses to say when,” a nearby customer stated of Kelly’s stubbornness. “It’s just awful to see this. Vinny’s a great guy, I’ve known him since I was a boy. This can’t be good for his carpal tunnel.”
Loberto’s restaurant is famous for inventing the “say when” policy on parmesan cheese dispensing, but never has a man taken it this far.
“Not yet, not yet, keep going, more, more!” Kelly demanded, as parmesan cheese and beads of Loberto’s sweat rained down on his plate of kid’s menu spaghetti; a twisted, menacing smirk on his face all the while.
“I was supposed to go to my granddaughter’s ballet recital tonight,” an exhausted, out-of-breath Loberto explained. “I was supposed to have a better relationship with her, I was never close with her mother.” Loberto continued as the mound of cheese grazed his wrists. “Please…please make it stop.”
“If this goes on any longer, his arms are gonna fall off,” reported a fellow patron as he helplessly looked on at the almost medieval torture act taking place not two tables away from him.
As of press time, Vinny required a stool to be brought to him so that he could continue grating the parmesan unimpeded by his own hands. Additionally, Kelly called over another server to begin grating pepper.
“I don’t think think he even wants to eat it,” commented a patron as Kelly’s spaghetti disappeared under the pile extras. “He just wants to watch people suffer.”
