WASHINGTON, D.C – Reacting to the news that Hillary Clinton has been diagnosed with pneumonia after fainting, Republican nominee Donald Trump has taken the opportunity to boast about his pulmonary inflammation, stating his lungs are “filled with the best fluids.”
“Forget about crooked Hillary’s baloney disease. I alone have what it takes to contract a debilitating lung infection,” said the real estate mogul on Twitter.
“You haven’t seen pneumonia like mine before. My alveoli are so disrupted my oxygen levels are through the floor! Believe me. It’s incredible.”
Trump’s message seems to have resonated with his base.
“Unlike Hillary, I’m still going to work today, even though I have been told I’m aspirating a dangerous number of anaerobic organisms,” said Jeffrey P. Maxwell of Chattanooga, TN.
“I don’t need no Obamacare. I’m going to take care of this viscous, opaque sputum the colour of my grandmother’s delicious red currant jelly all on my own. And I’ll take care of my kids at the same time,” explained Sharlene Fairbanks, a school trustee in Dallas, TX.
At press time, Sen. Bernie Sanders is still completely healthy.
