CNE snacks feature innovative ingredients, contempt for humanity

CARTOON DOGS (by Maggie's)
Forget about ketchup and mustard! These dogs are deep-fried, bacon-wrapped, and topped with peanut butter, jam, Cap'n Crunch cereal, and spicy mayo. Proprietor Maggie Keswick found her inspiration from a surprising source. "I got the idea while looking at some garbage," says Keswick. "I was sweeping up a bunch of crap from my kitchen floor after having an argument with my husband. So I decided to put it on a hot dog and feed it to him. He was in the hospital for days. I knew then I was onto something.” “At first, it had Cheerios on it,” she added. “But I switched to Cap’n Crunch when I realized it would cut up everyone’s mouths. Their pain is the only thing that brings me joy.” After having a Cartoon Dog, you’ll never look at hot dogs the same way again! In the specific sense that looking at one would cause reflexive vomiting from the shame of having had a Cartoon Dog inside of you.
Photo @PAULWASDEAD VIA TWITTER

PULLED PORK CINNAMON ROLLS (by Howie’s)
“I have nothing to say,” says Howie Esperonto about his Pulled Pork Cinnamon Rolls. “At best, they’re a distraction from the pain of existence and inevitability of death. At worst, they’re just a bunch of meaningless fucking cinnamon rolls with pulled pork on ‘em.” “Life is agony and the earth is cruel and indifferent to our plight. We can do nothing to change this fact,” adds the third-generation baker. “And if these meat-filled cinnamon rolls filled can wake up even one customer to this fact, it’ll have been worth it.” “I mean, just look at this garbage,” he said while drizzling frosting over large scoops of salty pulled pork. “You’d have to be a real asshole to eat this.”
Photo @CARBSRUS VIA TWITTER

BUG TACOS (by Bug Bistro)
These first time vendors offer a variety of food made with insects, including these beef tacos topped with lime-infused cricket carcases. The menu comes from the perverted mind of Bug Bistro founder Carl Eisner. “It was always my childhood dream to make people eat bugs,” admits Eisner. “I figured I’d have to trick ‘em to do it. But now people are paying money for me to intentionally put them in their food, when that would get me shut down in any other context. It’s completely fucked!” When asked for his personal favourite bug topping, Eisner had a quick response. “Ew, gross! Why would I eat a bug?!”
Photo @HELLOCOOKIE VIA TWITTER

THE PHILLY STEAKLAIR (by Philthy Philly's)
This unconventional mashup is 50% sweet, 50% savoury, and 100% morally reprehensible. Featuring a choux pastry bun filled with hot meat, this next generation sandwich reflects the misanthropic nature of its creator, "Dirty" Dan Melendez. "I'm always coming up with cool new ways to unleash my hatred for the world," said the five-time CNE vendor. "And I can't think of a better way to express my loathing than a sandwich that mixes salty, wet meat with a crème pâtissière and topped with ganache icing."
Photo @CAPTAINJUGGY VIA TWITTER