LOUISVILLE – With a bold ad campaign featuring the slogan “Who are we even kidding anymore?” KFC introduced its new “Bucket of Skins” earlier this month, and it has instantly become an all-time best seller.
Yum! Brands CEO Greg Creed said, while the company was excited about the new rollout, there was also a sense of resignation about the whole thing.
“You know, I mean, yeah. Yes, the chicken skin is really tasty,” said Creed after a long sigh, “We definitely know that we will make another several billion dollars on this.”
Local KFC enthusiast Aaron Daniels loves the new product, and orders the bucket regularly at his semi-weekly visits to his local restaurant. “Sometimes I like to pretend, like ‘hmm, do I want a sandwich? A two-piece meal?’” Daniels explains, “But my guy Greg behind the counter knows better. He already has a Bucket of Skins ready to go for me every time.”
Daniels then paused for several moments to try to catch his breath.
The Bucket of Skins was made possible by a breakthrough in genetic engineering. Scientists were able to alter select chickens to have twenty times the normal amount of skin. These specially-modified chickens weigh eighty pounds, and must be suspended from hooks and hosed with moisturizer at all times in order to be kept fresh.
“We’re all rich, and getting richer,” Creed continued after a pause, staring into the distance from his top floor office window. “So, if you look at it that way, I guess we should be proud of ourselves.”
At press time, fellow Yum! company Taco Bell had begrudgingly released its new french fry taco.