ATLIN, BC – In what should have been a fun, substance-fueled weekend for a group of young people has been ruined by well-behaved music lovers attending a weekend festival.
Local youths were upset when thousands of music fans descended on their field usually reserved for drinking their parent’s alcohol and smoking pot.
“Music festivals used to be all about appreciating the double vision and hallucinations,” said 17 year-old Caden Lin, a binge drinking high school dropout. “But nowadays, people are only interested in what band is playing or whether the music is based on a unique, catchy rhythm. All they do is bobble their heads, take photos and talk about how hot the drummer is. This really ruins the experience.”
Others complained about how the noise generated from the musicians interferes with the noise they usually make while inebriated.
“I can’t even hear myself scream obscenities over the bass,” said one high partygoer.
According to sources, the stoners may not attend the event next year and instead opt for a nearby playground, school yard, community trail, or a parent’s basements.
