Ol Doinyo Lengai, Tanzania – Disaster struck Monday morning as a tragically normal school bus and its occupants drove into an active volcano, causing the deaths of one teacher and nine ethnically diverse third graders.
“We are all deeply saddened by the loss of our best and brightest students” said school principal Sarah Davies “While our time with them was magical, their vehicular transportation was decidedly not, and did not offer them reasonable protection in adverse conditions. However, they died doing what they loved: learning about concepts such as gravity, buoyancy, and combustion. Especially combustion.”
The field trip was meant to be an educational look at the formation of new geological features, but when frizzy haired teacher Ms Farrell drove too close to the edge, students received an unwelcome opportunity to view the corrosive effects of lava on metal.
Many blame the deaths on the school bus’ inability to transform into a helicopter or some sort of lava submarine, but others believe the fault lies with the teacher. Ms Farrell had reportedly just returned from academic suspension after a disastrous field trip through the rain forest that caused the extinction of three separate species beneath the wheels of the same bus.
“She was one strike away from losing her job” said vice principal Isaac Matthews “she almost never led in-class lessons, she didn’t follow dress code, and we’re pretty sure it’s a breach of union rules to be a teacher and a bus driver.”
The only remaining survivor is the class pet chameleon, which escaped out of a window seconds before the bus fell into a 1100°C pool of molten rock.
At press time, the children’s last words were asking “is this the magic school bus?” in a variety of accents, each one more anguished than the last.
