TORONTO – Sources indicate that two Canadian journalists have suppressed stories on each other being “a prick” due to the almost certainty of running into each other.
The two journalists, who cannot be named, have confirmed that they have credible sources proving that the other is an unrepentant douchebag, and a complete hack (respectively).
The journalists, both of whom spend the majority of their time talking to other Canadian journalists on Twitter, say they are unable to expose their respective colleague’s very real shortcomings since it would “make things totally awkward” and the other is “good buds” with “you-know-who” and could “stop me from ever being able to work ever again”.
“The public has a right to know what an absolute tool he is,” said the one journalist for whom we shall use the pseudonym Bob. “But I don’t want to spend all of A-Coy’s monthly rager exchanging dirty looks from across the table. We had enough of that going on with Ghomeshi.”
At press time, the two journalists were telling each other to go back to J School.
With files from Alexander Huntley, Emma Overton and Tristan Bradley
