OTTAWA – Following sexual harassment allegations against two Liberal MPs and subsequent questions over the House of Commons’ lack of protocol to deal with them, male MPs made sure to reassure their “hysterical” female colleagues with a friendly, but firm smack to the buttocks.
“Obviously these events are disturbing,” said one MP to his assembled female staffers. “But I don’t want you to get upset. You’re all bright, intelligent young things who will make great mothers some day, and everyone knows that anger ruins your complexion”
“Now run along,” he added, pushing them out by their posterior.
Other MPs promised female employees that they would seek to add mechanisms to deal with such complaints, including private one on one meetings with the MPs at a “secure” location, and a pledge to support any staffer who wished to raise sexual assault allegations, provided she made him a drink first.
At press time, Stephen Harper was planning to use the allegations against Liberal MPs to his political advantage, as soon as someone explained to him what sex was.
