KANATA — After a very awkward 5 minutes in a Kanata playground, Thomas Mulcair came to the realization that his beard disturbs families and scares children.
“Well,” a forlorn Mulcair began, “I was coming to the park to do some meet-and-greets with the locals when children started crying and running for their parents. Other parents then started calling the children over to them and saying it was time to go. I didn’t understand that it was my beard.”
The beard had left children distraught and frightened, some claiming a homeless man in a sharp suit was leering and asking strange questions.
“I called the police” said Susan Bartock, a watchful mother of a five year old who was also at the park. “I asked myself who is this strange, bearded man showing interest in what toy my child was playing with. Then he started talking about a national day care strategy to the adults and thought that was enough to call the authorities.”
Police found the Leader of the Opposition on a nearby park bench stating “I haven’t felt this rejected since Jean Charest demoted me in the provincial cabinet.”
