RICHMOND HILL, ON – Local rapper Justin “J-Swingy” Simms announced to his circle of friends earlier this week that he did not, indeed, give a fuck about bitches.
“We were just chilling at McDonalds, and he just comes right out and says it,” said Swingy’s associate, Little Kyle. “They didn’t give him any ketchup and Swingy, he gets up to go get it from the counter, he just says: ‘I don’t give a fuck about bitches, man.’ Just like that.”
Swingy, notorious in the Richmond Hill rap scene for his impromptu verse-spitting at the skate park and kickass recording studio in his parent’s pool house, had never issued any such statement on bitches before.
When pressed for further comment by his associates as to which kind of bitches he meant exactly, Swingy replied with his trademark deceptively simple wisdom, saying “all the bitches, man,” before crushing the empty BigMac box with his bare hands.
Swingy, already known to not give a fuck about teachers, police, and children’s television program “iCarly,” inspired awe among his peers and family with his groundbreaking generalization.
“We all knew he didn’t like dumb bitches, he’s made that pretty clear in the past. But this is a whole new level, he’s just throwing it out there, straight up,” added Swingy’s father, Joseph Simms. “Dude’s got more balls than anyone I know. I just hope his moms doesn’t find out. She’s a total bitch.”
