EDMONTON – With the Oilers facing elimination in their series with the Vancouver Canucks, Oilers head coach Kris Knoblauch has taken the bold choice to flip the big red switch in his office…
Tag: Vancouver Canucks
Canucks fans denied viewing parties vow to riot and destroy property from the comfort of their homes
VANCOUVER – No official outdoor Canucks viewing parties will be held in Vancouver during the NHL playoffs, prompting angry fans to make due by drunkenly smashing their own possessions. “I have fo…
Canadian NHL teams ranked by how furious I would be if they win a Cup before the Leafs
No Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since 1993 (by pure coincidence the year Gary Bettman became NHL commissioner). And every year one team gets close there is a suggestion that all Canadian…
Winners and Losers of the 2023 NHL draft based on the 5 minutes of research I did right before it started
Another first round of the NHL draft has come and gone. And if there is one thing we know about selecting a bunch of 18 year olds to play professional hockey for our teams 1-4 years down the line…
Canucks aim to improve their reputation by hiring former player Todd Bertuzzi as Health and Fitness Coach
VANCOUVER – Faced with an onslaught of negative publicity for the way they handled the firing of Bruce Boudreau, the Vancouver Canucks are looking to gain back some popular support by hirin…
RCMP warns of increased sectarian violence ahead of NHL’s new All-Canadian division
OTTAWA, ON – The RCMP has issued a Media Advisory warning Canadians of an increase in bloodshed, property damage and general assholery due to the NHL’s creation of an All-Canadian division,…
Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it
VANCOUVER – Early reports indicate a Vancouver Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it. Thomas Sinclair of Port Moody has not made a single comment to his friends or family about his team…
The Beaverton’s NHL preview 2017-2018
The biggest question in the 2017-2018 season is this: Will Canada snap it’s 23 year drought and finally bring Lord Stanley home? The Beaverton takes a look at each Canadian team’s chances: The Va…
Canucks fire team doctor Jenny McCarthy after 5 players contract mumps
VANCOUVER – Vancouver Canucks have terminated their agreement with their team doctor, Jenny McCarthy, after 5 players contracted the mumps. The actress, model, and alternative medicine advi…
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Western Conference
The NHL’s Western Conference playoff action is about to heat up like a Maple Leafs player on a Florida golf course in mid-April. It’s part two of The Beaverton’s NHL Playoff Pre…
