TORONTO – Thanks to Conservatives like Pierre Poilievre we know that Toronto is basically an open sewer where people shoot heroin on the street before attacking tourists with fireworks. Wel…
Tag: Toronto
Toronto Goodwill asking people to stop donating Leafs jerseys
TORONTO – The regional board of Goodwill Industries has taken to social media to ask residents of the GTA to please stop leaving Maple Leafs jerseys in their used clothing bins and donation…
Toronto’s affordable housing plan revealed to be stapling hammocks to the sides of new condos
TORONTO – Canada’s largest city released an updated affordable housing plan this morning, the highlight of which was a policy to make new condo developers staple two or three burlap hammocks to t…
Ontario Science Centre to be renamed The Galen Weston Centre for Condos and Corporate Greed
TORONTO – The Ford government has announced plans this week to change the name of the Ontario Science Centre to the Galen Weston Centre for Condos and Corporate Greed. The decision comes fo…
Oilers and Leafs fans seamlessly transition from arguing about which team is going to win the Cup to which team shat the bed worse
TORONTO – Having spent much of the season locked in fierce online battles about whether the Leafs or Oilers would win the Cup, team fans have effortlessly moved on to discussing which team …
Leafs really excited to fuck this all up spectacularly
TORONTO – Still reeling off their astonishing come-from-behind win in Game Four against Tampa Bay, the Toronto Maple Leafs are showing renewed enthusiasm for the inevitable and complete collapse …
TTC violence not linked to housing crisis, healthcare funding or the fact I hate Toronto declares Premier Ford
TORONTO – I know that people are looking for someone to blame for the violence on the TTC but I can assure everyone that this is in no way linked to the housing crisis, healthcare funding …
Local Torontonian wins race to subway seat
TORONTO, ON — Torontonian Mark Law has won a highly competitive local race, finishing his commute as the winner of the coveted “Seated Train Ride Home”. On Line 1 at Bloor-Yonge Station, Law beat…
Last of Us moves filming to Vancouver; Albertans pretend they never liked it
CALGARY– In a well-known trope for residents of Canada’s most put-upon province, Albertans reacted to this week’s news that HBO’s The Last of Us is moving production to Vancouve…
First Canadian to orbit moon in attempt to find affordable housing
CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the moon in an effort to find affordable housing. “Catherine and I have three kids, …