OTTAWA – The federal government’s attempt to entertain young Halloween visitors fell flat on its face this year, as almost no child has reported being scared by the main attraction: a…
Tag: Ottawa
Greg Fergus immediately cancels all upcoming events honouring former Nazis
OTTAWA – Newly-elected Speaker of the House Greg Fergus has moved quickly to correct the errors made by his predecessor by taking the brave step of immediately canceling all planned events in whi…
Anti-LGTBQ “Million March For Children” outnumbered by “Billion March For Not Being Bigots”
OTTAWA – As coordinated protests against LGTBQ2S+ rights in schools take place across Canada, dubbed the “Million March For Children”, these marches are being dwarfed by a large…
Scientists determined to find what’s killing all the bees so it can be used to kill all the wasps
OTTAWA – Conservation experts and entomologists across the globe have announced they will be putting more effort into determining the cause of bee population declines around the world, so i…
Singh announces that he also here
OTTAWA – This week NDP leader Jagmeet Singh called a press conference to announce that he is also a political leader that exists, and presumably has done so for a while. “During this …
Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year
OTTAWA – Local Senators fan Morgan Horowitz is pretty sure that his confident proclamations that this is the year the Senators achieve team success won’t make him look like an absolut…
Incoming first year students excited to pretend Carleton University was their first choice
OTTAWA – As graduating high school seniors across the country look forward to starting post-secondary education, students from the Carleton University class of 2027 are excited to begin the…
Toronto man who moved to Ottawa feeling right at home after seeing how shit their transit system is
OTTAWA – Born and raised Toronto man Kyle Chilton was nervous about moving to Ottawa when his job relocated, but says he is starting to feel at home after getting a good look at the broken …
CABINET SHUFFLE: Liberal ministers admit they didn’t know they were supposed to read memos
OTTAWA – An upcoming Federal cabinet shuffle has been announced in response to several ministers claiming to have missed key information contained in official government memos addressed dir…
Minister Ahmed Hussen fixes housing prices by knocking $20 off his newest rental property
OTTAWA – Federal Housing Minister Ahmed Hussen has announced an end to Canada’s housing affordability crisis after reducing the rent on his latest income property by twenty whole dollars. “…