ETOBICOKE, ON – As students head back to school across the province, Ontario is holding out hope for a coveted 100% on their symptomatic COVID-19 PCR tests. “Of all the province-wide standa…
Tag: Ontario
Ontario to reopen in-person dining on January 31st and then again on April 10th
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has just announced that restaurants and bars will be able to open indoor dining at reduced capacity on January 31st and then, following another lockdown …
Breaking: Ontario teachers intentionally strand themselves in snowbanks for chance to actually speak with Doug Ford
ETOBICOKE — After reports surfaced that Doug Ford was spending Toronto’s first major blizzard of the year driving around helping drivers stranded by snow in his district, school teachers fr…
Virtual schooling during snow day crashes Ontario’s ‘12 year olds shovelling your driveway for 10 bucks’ economy
TORONTO – The announcement that schools closed due to snow would still require students to attend via remote learning has thrown Ontario’s vital ’12 year olds ringing the doorbe…
Doug Ford’s Ontario revealed to be alternate universe shown to suicidal man by Christmas angel
QUEEN’S PARK – Reports indicate that dire circumstances throughout Doug Ford’s Ontario are actually due to it being a fantastical alternate reality, created by a Christmas angel in order to…
Local man who hasn’t started Christmas shopping betting it all on Omicron lockdown
GUELPH, ON – While reportedly aware that he has only 7 shopping days until Christmas, local man Thomas Yeates is reportedly confident that a full province-wide Omicron lockdown will rescue …
Doug Ford starting to feel like he should maybe look into this whole Omicron thing
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford is said to be considering taking “a big look” at the Omicron variant that is currently causing Ontario’s COVID case numbers to explode. “…
Ford: when I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I specifically meant my daughter Krista
TORONTO – Walking back his comments from several months ago that young Ontarians are responsible for rising COVID case counts, Premier Doug Ford clarified that it’s not all young peop…
Shoppers Drug Mart promises 500 Optimum Points for every case of COVID contracted in-store
TORONTO – With the Ontario Government unveiling a plan to conduct symptomatic COVID-19 tests inside Shoppers Drug Mart stores, the pharmacy giant has announced that every shopper who contra…
Ontario case numbers going up even though Ford asked them nicely not to
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is facing blame for the recent rise in COVID-19 case numbers, despite his valiant effort telling the new cases to “tone it down a bit, if you don’t mind.…
