Muskoka, ON – Seasonal resident, David Lyons who inherited a million dollar Muskoka cottage, has an opinion on Indigenous land sovereignty. “It doesn’t make sense,” began a 60 year old Lyon…
Tag: local man
“So I can’t wish people a ‘Happy Canada Day’ anymore?” asks man who has literally never done that
Bradford, ON – Local man Gerry Framer is outraged that the collective reckoning over whether Canada is a country that deserves to be celebrated in light of the atrocities we have committed …
Man who “loves reading” actually just likes falling asleep while holding a book
Minden Hills, ON – Local man Jacob Hall claims to love reading, but actually just loves falling asleep with a book on his chest. “Whether it’s sci-fi, fantasy or non-fiction, I …
Man daydreams of being rich person’s dog for 5th time today
TORONTO – Local man, Andrew Tan, has spent a lot of time lately thinking how great it would be to be a rich person’s dog instead of a human male forced to make his life fulfilling. “I’ve be…
Local man learned not to trust media when he realized Pingu wasn’t speaking French
Thunder Bay, ON – Local man Matt Rabbior advised that his life long distrust of the “media-industrial complex” began when he was 14 and realized that the children’s clayma…
Sick fuck stores milk carton on its side
Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the af…
Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary
CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know ho…
“Shop local” posts man who bought book from Indigo instead of Amazon
REGINA – Local man Aidan Waite is encouraging all his friends and family to stay away from Amazon when doing their holiday shopping, and instead support local mom and pop shops like Indigo …
Office Christmas Party cancellation leaves local man with nowhere to make drunken fool of himself
CALGARY – With his firm forgoing plans for the usual Christmas party this year due to the current pandemic, paralegal Will Sanchez is worried that he will have nowhere to disgrace himself i…
Man who never stopped following lockdown protocols welcomes friends back with piercing, joyless laugh
TORONTO – Local man Jacob Bach, who continued to quarantine at home even as the city opened up during the spring and summer, is virtually welcoming friends back to the lockdown lifestyle wi…