WASHINGTON – Following the killing of Alex Jeffrey Pretti in Minneapolis, FBI director Kash Patel has advised American citizens participating in anti-ICE demonstrations to leave their firearms at…
Tag: Guns
Gun violence grinds to a halt after God finds prayers in spam folder
HEAVEN – On a short Zoom call with stakeholders, today, God informed those present that the most recent mass shooting in the United States was the result of a too-broad junk filter in Heave…
Alberta government passes legislation to protect vulnerable gun population
EDMONTON, AB- The Alberta provincial government has restated its commitment to providing protection and support for the provinces’ most marginalized and under-supported population sectors: firear…
Crazy! Latest mass shooting ridiculously blamed on easy access to things that shoot
U.S.A. – In another ‘you have to read it to believe it’ situation, a few wacky experts are blaming the latest mass shooting on the shooter’s easy access to things that shoot. Seriously! I mean, w…
Canada’s criminals having trouble keeping up with all of Canada’s new gun laws
OTTAWA – With the federal government mulling further changes to definitions in The Firearms Act that could affect the legality of numerous categories of currently non-restricted rifles, Can…
New U.S. Environmental Protection Plan basically just giving nature guns
WASHINGTON, DC- The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency announced its new strategy to conserve natural spaces; distributing firearms to all native plant and animal species to allow them to prote…
US Supreme Court rules women have no right to abortion because fetus could grow up to be gun owner
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 5-4 decision the U.S. Supreme Court reversed Roe v. Wade yesterday, holding that women could not be allowed to have abortions because some of the babies would likely …
All guns reclassified as Chekhov’s guns
OTTAWA – Following a new survey that found that 99.9% of firearms turn out to be important to the plot, the Federal government has issued a nationwide reclassification of all privately owne…
Trudeau promises to continue timing Canadian laws with American tragedies
OTTAWA – After recently announcing passage of a host of new gun control laws in the wake of the deadly Uvalde, Texas school shooting, and re-affirming Canada’s support of legal abortion aft…
American celebrities praising Canada’s gun control laws enough to power nation’s smugness generators for rest of year
OTTAWA – As American celebrities and liberal politicos continue to praise Canada’s approach to gun control, the country’s smugness monitors are reporting near record highs. R…
