CALGARY – A local theatre usher laid off during the beginning weeks of the COVID has discovered a new, exciting loophole to extend her vital pandemic benefits: animorphing into an oil and g…
Tag: Featured Post
Ontario Ministry of Education promises new math curriculum will help students calculate their chances of survival
TORONTO — As schools prepare to reopen for the first time since the COVID-19 pandemic began, the Ontario Ministry of Education has assured students and teachers that the newly revised math curric…
Local man fondly recalls early days of pandemic
Dartmouth, NS – 6 months in, local man Jackson Martin has been reduced to looking back with nostalgia at the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. “Remember back in March when we were …
Newly announced BlackBerry phone set to disrupt 2006 tech market
AUSTIN, TX – Mobile security brand OnwardMobility announced today that they will be launching a new version of the BlackBerry phone. Early reports from tech analysts say the device could sh…
Guy who has definitely gotten into a fight at a minor league hockey game wins Conservative leadership
OTTAWA – Moving on from Andrew Scheer The Conservative Party has selected for it’s leader Durham MP and guy who has for sure gotten into a tussle at a minor league hockey game Erin O&…
Party that wants to manage government can’t manage counting a few thousand votes
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada, a party which would like to be in charge of the whole country, was unable to announce Erin O’Toole’s victory until well after 1am due …
Canada searches for new country to compare ourselves to now that U.S. is too sad
OTTAWA – The Canadian Government announced today that they are searching for a new benchmark country Canadians can compare to now that the situation in the U.S. has reached ‘this is f…
“How could the ref not see that?” yells hockey fan willfully blind to sport’s co-opting by far right
VANCOUVER – Local man Dominic Derkins was furious at the refs for missing an obvious call in last night’s game, wondering if they are hard of sight while he and all other hockey fans …
Report: Clamato still disgusting, delicious
CALGARY – After conducting an exhaustive longitudinal study of scientific research done over the last 60 years, scientists at the University of Calgary have officially confirmed that Clamat…
Oakland cop claims Ujiri’s chest caused permanent injuries to his fists
Oakland, CA – In the wake of a video clearly showing that he assaulted Raptors president Masai Ujiri, Oakland deputy Alan Strickland has amended his lawsuit to claim that Ujiri’s chest and …
