OTTAWA – Staring down the possibility of their third straight electoral defeat, members of the Conservative Party of Canada are beginning to entertain the notion that it may not be the wise…
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Jason Kenney’s new restrictions include his sternest frowning yet
EDMONTON – Jason Kenney frowned directly into the camera for several minutes before announcing a new set of restrictions to combat Alberta’s soaring COVID rates. “Okay, you guys, this one’s for …
Ford recommends lying in order to get vaccine faster
TORONTO – During a recent press conference Premier Doug Ford recommended lying about your personal information in order to get the COVID vaccine faster. “After speaking with my experts, we …
“Who are we to say whether you should get the AstraZeneca vaccine or not?” says National Advisory Committee on Immunization
OTTAWA – The National Advisory Committee on Immunization has been accused of causing confusion by telling Canadians they “should do whatever feels right to them” with respect to…
BC apologizes for poor communication, says next pop-up vaccine clinic can be found “when moon and sun intertwine, where waters meet mountain’s spine”
VANCOUVER — After poor communication this week left dozens of people waiting hours for vaccines they would never get, BC Health Minister Adrian Dix formally apologized during the province’s lates…
New website allows Ontarians to sign up for a pretend vaccine waitlist just for funsies
TORONTO – Following months of frustration surrounding Ontario’s delayed vaccine rollout, officials have announced the launch of a new website that will allow Ontarians to sign up for …
Bipartisan win: Liberals and Conservatives put aside differences, come together to screw over workers
OTTAWA – Political observers were heartened this week to see the Liberals and the Conservatives put aside partisan considerations and vote together on a bill to force dockworkers who are st…
Zoom call with American friends now depressing in the other direction
Richmond, B.C. – A monthly zoom call which previously consisted of Canadian man Jalen Montclair consoling his American friends now consists of his American friends consoling Jalen. “E…
“It’s not fair to blame Kenney for a pandemic,” says man who blamed Notley for a wildfire
CALGARY – As Albertans continue to suffer as a result of the province’s poor handling of COVID-19, local man Dave Struthers, who once said Premier Notley’s handling of the 2016 …
Doug Ford wins best actor Oscar for performance pretending to care about people dying of COVID
TORONTO – In an upset win, Ontario Premier Doug Ford took home the Academy Award for Best Leading Actor due to his performance crying crocodile tears for all the people dying of COVID as a …
