CALGARY – In the wake of Calgary police arresting, manhandling and threatening to taser a man for violating COVID regulations while playing hockey, the right wing was shocked to discover th…
Tag: defund the police
Toronto Police allowed to turn off body cams if they are planning a surprise party
TORONTO – The Toronto Police recently unveiled their new body cameras which will record every interaction officers have with the public unless the officer involved is in the middle of plann…
Edmonton police spend $500,000 on proof they are incapable of reading the goddamn room
EDMONTON – As calls are going out to defund and demilitarize police forces across North America, the Edmonton Police Service are loudly proclaiming themselves to be completely unaware of th…
Toronto Police warn protesters against vandalizing symbols of white supremacy, citing difficulty of removing paint from uniforms
TORONTO — Following the arrest of three Black Lives Matter – Toronto protesters over the act of dousing racist monuments in bright pink paint, Toronto Police are threatening considerable le…
Local mom shocked to discover ACAB doesn’t stand for “A Cool Autumn Breeze”
Muskoka, ON – Local mother Wendy Marylin was shocked to discover her favourite acronym “ACAB” did not commonly stand for “A Cool Autumn Breeze.” “I thought this whole time I was just celebr…
Officer working at ninth police department in ten years probably just filled with wanderlust
Lawrence, KS — Though there are many possible reasons that Constable Dennis Bass has worked at nine different police departments over the last ten years, law enforcement experts agree that the mo…
John Tory seeks compromise, offers to de-fun the police
TORONTO — In the wake of backlash to Toronto city council’s refusal to defund the Toronto Police budget by 10%, Mayor John Tory is seeking to appease angry voters by offering to “de-f…
Defunded police officer forced to buy own cocaine to plant on people
Camden, NJ – Faced with economic hardship since his city defunded the police force seven years ago, local police officer Pete Garner has been forced to use his own money for vital supplies,…
OP-ED: “We must throw money at the police until they are too buried in money to continue with their racist malarkey” by Joe Biden
From the moment I launched my campaign, I have said that we are in the battle for the soul of this nation. A battle that could last a generation, requiring sacrifices and introspection. But I hav…