Olympia, WA — As a participant in the protests against COVID related stay-at-home orders, conservative Tyler Loftis held a “Live Free or Die” sign to show his excitement to do both. “Governor Jay…
Tag: covid-19
God tests positive for COVID-19 after church services continue
HEAVEN – After religious groups have continued to go to church despite warnings about large public gatherings, The Almighty One has contracted COVID-19. “At first I thought I just had a sor…
Deformed sourdough unceremoniously buried under the cover of night
Orillia, ON – What began as one quarantined woman’s attempt at bringing yet another sourdough bread into the world, has ended in tragedy as the severely disfigured loaf is currently being u…
Nation more aerodynamic than ever after everyone shaves head during lockdown
OTTAWA – After several weeks in self-isolation, and several months after their last haircut, thousands of Canadians took matters into their own hands and opted to shave their heads. This th…
“We need to open up the economy and get back to work,” says COVID-19
FLORIDA – Thousands of protestors took to the streets in the United States this past weekend to demand that social distancing rules end and people be allowed to return to work, including CO…
Business casual dress code no longer includes pants
HAMILTON, ON – Hundreds of workplaces across Canada have officially updated the definition of their business casual dress code to no longer include pants during working hours. “Instilling a…
Bank CEO reassures worried Canadians: “I’m going to be okay”
TORONTO – As the economic impact of the COVID-19 crisis devastates Canadian household finances, Royal Bank President and CEO David McKay reassured the nation: “I want you all to know in this diff…
2020’s hottest workout trend: listless pacing
The world may have stopped in the face of COVID-19, but your fitness journey doesn’t have to! 2020’s hottest health trend is here, and it’s called listless pacing. Wait, WTF is LP? Think pacing, …
NRA: Guns don’t kill people, schools being open kill people
FAIRFAX, VA – In light of the fact that this March marked the first month without a school shooting in the U.S. since 2002, the National Rifle Association released a statement claiming “Gun…
Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been
Brandon, MB – Sofie, your friend with two children under the age of 5, clearly spent most of last night’s zoom call thinking of ways to murder you as you talked about how calm and uneventuf…
