OTTAWA – Shockwaves spread throughout the House this week when staffers realized that the vaguely threatening elf watching their every move was actually the leader of the Opposition in a fe…
Tag: Christmas
Why I refuse to say “Happy Holidays”: I’m sad
TORONTO — It’s that time of year again; The lights are shining, the snow is falling, and “woke moralists” are forcing me to say “Happy Holidays”. But this year I’m taking a stand. I won’t say it!…
Most popular Christmas special in each province
There’s nothing more Canadian than avoiding the increasingly wet winter weather by hiding inside and watching your favourite Christmas special. Check out this list of the most popula…
Most popular Christmas Gifts in each Province
Canadians buy a lot of Christmas Presents. And while most should be from the Beaverton Merch Store, some aren’t. Here is our list of the most popular Christmas Presents in every province. N…
Report: Preparing Christmas turkey closest thing dad has had to sex in years
ST. JOHNS, NF- Local father of 3 Jake O’Leary confirmed speculation that getting the turkey ready for Christmas dinner is by far the most arousing activity he has done in roughly seven years. “It…
BREAKING: Home invader plans to kiss your wife
News in Photos…
Society recognizes Jewish holiday which is close to Christmas
OTTAWA – Keeping an impressive streak of consecutive years alive, society has once again noticed the existence of Hannukah solely due to its proximity to Christmas. “It’s so nice to see that they…
Uh oh: Friend’s Christmas sweater was not intentionally ugly
FREDERICTON, NB – Local barista Maya Reilly snuffed out the Christmas spirit last Saturday when she mistook her friend’s sweater as being part of the annual Ugly Sweater competition at thei…
Witch? This woman built a gingerbread house
RED DEER, AB – Daniella Keller, a 29 year-old librarian, built a gingerbread house over the weekend, prompting many to ask the question: is this woman a witch? “She seemed so normal, why wo…
Donder and Blitzen to put career on hold for mandatory military service
NORTH POLE – Following weeks of speculation, two members of Santa’s prestigious team of reindeer have announced they are planning temporary resignation in order to undertake military …