Heavy-breathing evangelical student protests what he thinks happened at U of T orgy
TORONTO – While several hundred lined up for the so-called ‘student sex party’ hosted by a U of T campus group last night, one heavily-breathing, self-proclaimed evangelical student spent t…
Halo 4 giving gamer Call of Duty flashbacks
MANNING, AB – After sitting down to enjoy his recently purchased copy of Halo 4, local gamer Lucas Bordfeld began experiencing flashbacks to his days of game-play on the more realistic firs…
CBC accidentally rehires spiffily dressed homeless man instead of Don Cherry
TORONTO – In a recent CBC gaffe, Hockey Night in Canada has mistakenly rehired a colourfully dressed homeless person instead of legendary hockey commentator Don Cherry. The homeless man, who iden…
Smokey Bear killed in home fireworks accident
PARK COUNTY, WY – On Friday night well-known forest preservation and fire safety advocate Smokey Bear was killed in a home fireworks accident. At about 9:30 pm, Smokey was with his family s…
David Suzuki goes on weeklong pollution bender
CAPE ST MARY, NL – Canadian environmentalist David Suzuki, known for his activism on global climate change, was discovered earlier this week passed out near a private jet in Cape St. Mary&#…
Javier Bardem to play villain in Javier Bardem biopic
HOLLYWOOD – Best known for playing disquieting villains in films like Skyfall and No Country For Old Men, Spanish heartthrob Javier Bardem returns to the dark side this summer as the villai…
Lance Armstrong apologizes to cancer for tarnishing image
AUSTIN, TX – Disgraced cycling icon Lance Armstrong apologized today to cancer, the broad group of diseases involving unregulated cell growth that affects tens of millions of people around …
Under Nonis, Leafs to phase out hockey, shift focus to long-range telecommunications
TORONTO – Since taking the Maple Leafs GM position just a few days ago, Dave Nonis has implemented sweeping changes to improve the struggling organization, most notably cutting waste, re-en…
Climate change possible cause for trapping killer whales in sea ice
Marine scientists blame climate change on confusing and trapping a pod of Orcas in the Hudson Bay’s sea ice. What’s your say? “Those poor whales. But at least they didn’t get stuck in Marin…
