Guitarist at bar knows audience is going to love his version of ‘Time of Your Life’
HAMILTON — This past Saturday an amateur musician attending an Open Mic Night at Dooney’s Pub was ready to blow the crowd away with his personal rendition of Green Day’s “…
Canadian actors excited to meet real celebrities at TIFF
TORONTO – As the Toronto International Film Festival is set to get under way, Canadian stars are nervously awaiting their chance to finally meet real-life American celebrities. “I play poke…
Frosh week teaches new undergrads a higher level of groupthink
KINGSTON – Canadian institutions of higher learning are welcoming new frosh this week by teaching them the importance of conformity without critical evaluation at the postsecondary level. T…
Thousands of BC students unable to skip school
VANCOUVER – As the province of BC’s public school teachers continue their strike this week, approximately 500,000 students are left unable to skip school. “Where am I supposed to drop my ch…
NSA on leaked celebrity nudes: ‘What’s the big deal? We’ve had these for months’
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Responding to security concerns after the intimate photos and videos of over 100 celebrities were hacked and leaked online, NSA Director Admiral Michael S. Rogers said th…
Screw it, we’re all going to die anyway
By Rona Ambrose, Minister of Health I was sitting on a panel discussing assisted suicide the other day when I came to a startling realization. I’ve been totally gypped. At first I thought, wow, m…
Fans disappointed after Brangelina wedding fails to give meaning to their lives
LOS ANGELES – Fans of actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie found themselves at a crossroads this week, after news of the celebrity couple’s recent nuptials failed to add a trace of meaning to thei…
Politicians quickly change opinion of their now deceased colleague
OTTAWA – In a sign of respect, politicians of all stripes have promptly changed their opinion of their now deceased colleague from negative to positive. “He was a great man,” lied a fellow …
IMF unveils elite new currency only rich people can use
WASHINGTON — International Monetary Fund Managing director Christine Lagarde yesterday unveiled a new luxury currency that will be used to provide those in the one percent a stable, convenient al…
