Justin Trudeau files 35 million workplace harassment complaints against Canada

OTTAWA – Less than one week after guiding his party to a surprise majority in the federal election, Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau has already filed 35 million workplace harassment compl…

Justin Trudeau returns to 24 Sussex to find his old crusty socks

OTTAWA — Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau had time to visit his old childhood homestead where he found his secret pair of old crusty socks. The pair of stained yellow Hanes socks wit…

KFC introduces bucket of chicken skins

LOUISVILLE – With a bold ad campaign featuring the slogan “Who are we even kidding anymore?” KFC introduced its new “Bucket of Skins” earlier this month, and it has instantly become an all-…

Gilles Duceppe quits Bloc leadership to seek Bloc leadership again

MONTREAL — Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has announced his resignation so that he may seek a third term as Bloc Quebecois leader. “My friends, I take full responsibility for the part…

Victim of stolen unicycle files for identity theft

MONTREAL — Police issued a state of emergency last night when local “pretty chill guy” Trenton Brenner filed for identity theft shortly after the disappearance of his prized unicycle. Based…

Erotic novel really overestimates appeal of euphemism ‘porking’

CALGARY – Critics of Marie Montgomery’s latest erotic novel, Angela’s Awakening, have unanimously agreed that the book suffers from an overuse of the verb “porking” to describe the act of m…

Benjamin Netanyahu claims Hitler was ‘just following orders’

JERUSALEM – At a meeting of the World Zionist Congress in Jerusalem this week, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed that Adolf Hitler was ‘just following orders’ from Haj Amin al-Hus…

In historic first, superhero saves day without fatalities, extensive city damage

EDMONTON – This month marks the first time in Canadian superhero history that a city has been saved without extensive damage to property, any injuries or fatalities. On October 16th, a supe…

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

OTTAWA — NDP leader Thomas Mulcair has blasted the incoming Liberal government for stealing his party’s idea to form a strong majority government. “The Liberals have always had a history of…

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

Despite the results being posted two days ago, Sun newspaper outlets have steadfastly denied the existence of a Liberal majority government and have continued to assume Conservative leader Stephe…