Minister Ahmed Hussen fixes housing prices by knocking $20 off his newest rental property
OTTAWA – Federal Housing Minister Ahmed Hussen has announced an end to Canada’s housing affordability crisis after reducing the rent on his latest income property by twenty whole dollars. “…
One man show plays to one man audience
TORONTO – This Friday’s performance of local independent thespian Grant Issac’s one man Fringe show The Dollarama Dialogues was attended by one audience member. The play sees Issac perform …
Swifties single-handedly preventing US recession
UNITED STATES – With the US leg of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour about to end, economists are haunted because they discovered the ultimate easter egg – that Swifties has been single-handed…
BC Parks to improve campsite reservation system by partnering with Ticketmaster
VANCOUVER – In a bid to improve their online campsite reservation system, BC Parks has announced a new partnership with globally-beloved platform Ticketmaster. According to BC Parks spokesp…
“The fury of Ra washes over us, and only through sacrifice can He be appeased,” Environment Canada reports
OTTAWA – Lo, the heavens tremble and punish man for his hubris with a calamitous wave of scorching heat capable of rendering our souls from our body and casting them into the shadows of the Duat,…
Canadian politicians ranked by how stupid they look in Cowboy Hats
The Stampede is back, and with it the annual pilgrimage of Canadian politicians looking to do some light cowpoke cosplay because pollsters convinced them that Alberta will only vote for people wh…
Leafs fan only wants most talented player in franchise history to re-sign if it’s at a discount
TORONTO – Demoralized and frustrated by the team’s lack of playoff success, Toronto Maple Leafs fan Mark Montrose says that if Hart, Rocket and Lindsay award winner Auston Matthews is…
Tech Update: Mom’s Already Posted Her SIN on Threads
Can you friggin believe it? Threads, Meta’s answer to Twitter, has been around for literally 24 hours, and Mom has already posted her SIN on it. ALREADY. The annoying thread in question was poste…
Furtive deviant enjoys cold glass of forbidden summer eggnog
CALGARY – According to confidential sources, Jordan Sharpe* has poured himself a tall glass of summer eggnog, despite the risk of harsh judgement from friends and neighbours. (*name changed for h…
Friend has been rich this whole time
TORONTO – Local woman Maddy Humphries, 29, has discovered that her friend Kyla Mason, 28, has been hiding the fact that she is rich for the entirety of their 7 year friendship. “Kyla …
